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Sunday, November 27, 2011

What Works…What Doesn’t

Have you ever just stopped to think about things that should work but don’t?
Sometimes even though we know the stuff doesn’t work, we don’t even give it a second thought. It sucks but that’s just the way it is.

Car Alarms
Do car alarms actually deter theft? Every time I hear one these bad boys go off I run right out to investigate. I’m sure that you do too. I think they are a great invention but unfortunately they are so ubiquitous that they’ve become more of a nuisance than a deterrent.

Krazy glue / Gorilla glue / Super glue
I don’t care what anyone says; this crap does not work.  And yet I still buy it! I’ve seen that picture of the guy being suspended in mid-air by his hard hat. Supposedly one drop of this “wonder glue” keeps him firmly in place. Right. I can’t even get a coffee mug handle to stay glued on.

Mail-in Rebate Coupons
Remember these? You found an advertised store item that you really wanted. Let’s say it was priced at $200 but it was only $150 with the rebate coupon. The problem was that the steps to achieve the rebate were so onerous that the process just pissed people off. That’s why you rarely see them being offered anymore. Or is that just me?

3-D Movies
I’m talking old school 3-D. I haven’t seen Avatar or any other new 3-D movies. I’m sure they’re better than the old fashioned 3-D but what’s next: “Gone with the Wind” 3-D version?

Doberman Pinschers
Remember when these used to be the baddest dogs on the planet? Have they all been retired by pit bulls and Rottweilers? You hardly ever hear of them being used as watchdogs. You know why? I guess they don’t work any more.

Butt-Toning Shoes
Every time I see someone in a pair of these I start cracking up inside. Just because Joe Montana and Kim Kardashian advertised them was no reason to run out and get a pair. Not that there's any deliberate deception involved — walking on these things are like trying to balance on a wobble board. But sometimes it just boils down to another case of a company making claims that it can't back up.

Exhibit A: Reebok was just ordered by the Federal Trade Commission to pay $25 million in refunds for claiming that its "toning" shoes would strengthen and tone the thighs and butts of people who wore them. The FTC also banned the company from making similar claims in future advertisements.

Psychic Hotline
I really don’t need to discuss this one, do I? Remember Miss Cleo?

Cold remedies
Starve a cold, feed a fever. Feed a fever, starve a cold. Mom’s chicken soup. Echinacea.  Zinc supplements. Vitamin C. Antibiotics. Whatever.  I’m sure some of these are effective but let’s not go crazy here. It’s only the common cold, right?

Crash Weight Loss Diets
So if a friend swears that munching on grapefruit gets her into skinny jeans, or a coworker credits “the Twinkie diet” for his trim physique, should you try it too? Diet and exercise isn’t the sexiest option but like so many things in life the least appealing option is the most effective.

Banking Regulators
See mortgage meltdown circa 2008 -2011.

United States Justice Department
See “no one went to prison for the mortgage meltdown circa 2008 -2011.”

What other things can you think of that should work…but don’t?

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